The 3rd Skill Seeing the Harm

 

You’ve noticed the signal, and now you’re able to see the ideal that’s causing the signal. But what’s wrong with having anger or frustration or jealousy or hurt feelings? Isn’t that part of being human?

 

Yes, it’s absolutely a part of the human experience, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling them. However, acting on these feelings and holding onto them can cause us to be unhappy, prolong our stress until it grows to unhealthy levels, harm our relationships by causing us to resent people in our lives, even harm our relationship with ourselves because we similarly get angry or frustrated with ourselves, holding ourselves up to ideals.

 

So feelings are not bad, nor is having ideals — they’re a natural part of our human experience. But if the ideals are causing harm to ourselves and the people around us, the perhaps we can let go of them.

 

If the ideals are causing us to do good in the world, then we don’t need to let go of them. An ideal might cause us to be compassionate or generous, for example. There’s nothing wrong with having ideals

— in fact, I don’t think we can avoid having them.

 

It’s when the ideal is harming us or others that we would benefit from letting the go.

 

And so as you notice the signal, and the ideal that’s causing it, ask yourself if it’s causing you or others harm. In the case of anger or other types of unhappiness, it’s almost certain that it’s causing harm.

 

When you notice the harm it’s causing, then letting go is a compassionate act. It’s an act of ending suffering. Letting go can

be a painful thing — after all, these ideals are often a big part of who we are and of our worldview. But the pain of letting go is often very little compared to the benefits of letting go of something that is harming us or people around us.

 

Practice seeing the harm, when you notice the signal and the ideal.

You’ll get good at this in no time.