Dealing with Fear

 

It’s not just procrastination that’s caused by fear — pretty much all of our problems are rooted in fear. With deeper roots in our ideals/ expectations/fantasies, as we saw in the last chapter.

 

Let’s take a look at some other common problems caused by fear:

 

1.     Debt: There are many possible causes, but often you’re spending more than you make because of a shopping habit, or a fear of letting go of some of the comforts you’re used to. The shopping habit might be caused by anxiety (fear that something you want isn’t going to happen) or loneliness (fear that you’re not good enough) or wanting your life to be better than it is (fear that you’re not OK as you are). Letting go of comforts (like your morning Starbucks, or your nice house or car) can be difficult if you fear discomfort, fear that you won’t be OK if your life is less comfortable, fear that others will judge you if your house/ car/clothes aren’t as nice.

2.    Relationship problems: There are obviously lots of possible causes (including that the other person has major problems, though you should always look at yourself as well) … but some fears that cause relationship problems include fear of letting go of control (causing you to want to control the other person), fear that you’re not good enough, fear of abandonment and other trust issues, fear of not being accepted, fear of accepting the other person (actually this is a fear of control problem).

3.    Can’t exercise: Again, lots of causes, but some of them include: not enough time (fear of letting go of something else that you’re used to doing), exercise is too hard (fear of discomfort), distractions like TV and the Internet (fear of missing out, fear of discomfort).

4.    Can’t change diet: Same as exercise really. Although there are also often emotional issues, in which case the fears can be very similar to the ones that lead to the shopping habit and financial problems.

5.    Aren’t doing work you love: You maybe don’t know what you want to do, which means you haven’t committed to really exploring (fear of failing), or you know but haven’t taken the plunge (fear of failure), or fear that you’re not good enough.

6.    Stressed about work/school: You have lots to do, but the amount isn’t the problem. The amount is an objective fact, and either you have enough time to do it (and perhaps do it well) or you don’t. The real problem is that you’re worried about getting it all done, which means you have an ideal (I’m going to get it all done on time, and it’ll be done perfectly) and you fear that this ideal won’t come true. So the fear is based on an ideal, but the ideal isn’t realistic. You won’t get it all done perfectly and on time. No one does. Accept the reality, that you’ll get some done, to the best of your ability, and if you fail you’ll learn from that, and that’s how the world works. No one is perfect. The ideal doesn’t exist in reality.

 

And so on. All other problems are some manifestation of what’s going on in the above examples.

 

Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of letting go of control, fear of being alone, fear of abandonment, fear of discomfort, fear of missing out, fear that you’re not OK as you are or your life isn’t OK as it is, fear that some ideal won’t come true.

 

These all stem from ideals, and a lack of trust in yourself, and in the present moment.

 

If we can practice letting go of the ideals, and start to accept and trust in ourselves and the present moment, then we can overcome lots of problems. Problems are rooted in fear, which is rooted in ideals. Let go of the ideals.