The first skill is
noticing when you’re holding onto something harmful
— some kind of signal will appear, a sign that you’re suffering.
These are the
signals that you should practice the skill of letting go.
What are some of the signals?
There are many,
but here are some common
ones:
•
Anger
•
Irritation
•
Frustration
•
Stress/anxiety
•
Depression
•
Jealousy
•
Feeling hurt
•
Wanting to be right
•
Lashing out at someone
•
Procrastination
•
Wishing things were different
•
Feeling insulted
•
Wanting to get justice
•
Angry driving
There is absolutely
nothing wrong with feeling any of these things. We can’t stop feeling them, and not wanting to feel them
actually makes the suffering worse.
So the first thing to know is that it’s OK to feel these things, and that we should just feel them, accept them.
However, they are
signals that something is going on. So after
we’ve allowed ourselves to feel the feeling, we can pause before lashing out or taking an action we might
regret. We can start the process of letting go, so that we don’t prolong our suffering.
How do we practice
this first skill, of noticing the signals? It’s a learning process, but the first step is just to make a commitment to trying
to notice when these things come up. It might surprise you, if you watch yourself, how often you
feel a little bit of irritation or frustration or anger, especially if you’re around
other people.
Just start noticing.
You don’t have to do the other steps yet — just practice noticing
for a few days or so, until you get pretty good at it.
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