The 2nd Skill Seeing the Ideal

 

Now that you’ve noticed the signal, the next part of the process is to turn inward and see what’s causing this signal, this symptom.

 

It didn’t just happen randomly — there’s a cause of the signal. If you’re angry, it’s not just someone else’s fault. They did something, perhaps, but that’s just an occurrence in the outside world around you, like a leaf falling or the wind blowing or a rock falling off a cliff. They just happen, but your anger comes not from the occurrence but because you don’t want the thing to occur.

 

It’s your not wanting what has happened to have happened, or your not wanting the way things are to be the way they are, that’s causing the anger or frustration.

 

Imagine if you were just a camera, recording what’s going on, neutrally and without any desires for things to be a certain way, or people to act a certain way. In this case, if someone does something, you wouldn’t get angry, because you’re a neutral observation tool, without any preferences for what happens in the world.

 

Of course, in reality, you’re not a camera. You have expectations of others, ideals for yourself, ideals of how the world should be. And it’s these ideals/expectations that cause the anger and frustration.

 

These ideals and expectations aren’t reality — if they matched reality, you wouldn’t be angry. They are your fantasies of what reality should be. The fantasies aren’t reality, and they’re causing the anger.

 

So turn inward for a minute: What ideal are you holding onto that is causing the signal?

 

Sometimes it can be hard to see what ideal you have, but if you

practice this for awhile, you’ll get better at it.

 

Just a few ideals you might have:

 

1.      People should be considerate.

2.      People should be fair.

3.      People should respect you and not insult you.

4.      People should be positive and not complain or be moody.

5.      You’ll be successful at what you do.

6.      You’ll be comfortable and do easy things.

7.      Your life will be full of joy and pleasures and no pains.

8.      You’ll be good at changing habits.

9.      People on the road or sidewalk won’t get in your way. 10.Things will be where you need them.

11.  Your home will be neat and people working and living with you will always be neat.

12.  Your kids will do exactly as you say.

13.  Your spouse or friends will be enthusiastic and supportive of all your ideas.

14.  People will immediately see your brilliance and want to hire you.

15.  Loved ones won’t go away or die.

16.  People you love will love you back exactly the same as you love them.

 

This is just a start — there are hundreds and perhaps thousands of ideals that we have at various times. We can identify them because when someone violates them, or life doesn’t meet them, we aren’t happy. So our ideal is the opposite of what has happened.

 

After practicing noticing the signals for awhile, start to turn inward and notice what your ideal is that’s causing the signal. Practice until the ideal becomes easy to see.