Why Letting Go

 

The root of all of our problems is our inability to let go.

 

I gleaned this idea from a book on Zen Buddhism one day a few years ago, and it struck me in its simplicity.

 

Could it be true?

 

Consider this idea: a bird in flight. The bird lives totally in the moment, completely focused on its flight, perhaps using its sharp eyes to search for food.

 

It doesn’t start thinking, “Why does it have to be so cold here? What do the other birds think of me? What am I going to do when I meet up with the other birds later? Will I be successful at nest building? Why can’t I have bigger breasts? Why can’t I wake up earlier like the other birds?”

 

And so on.

 

Of course, as humans we have bigger brains than the bird, and we can solve problems and create poetry and build skyscrapers. So we have lots more ability and lots more going on than the simple bird floating on the wind.

 

These bigger brains, though, cause us all the problems that we have. I don’t mean the problems with poverty and disease, but the problems with overthinking things, feeling anxiety and frustration and depression and anger over the things that happen to us and might happen to us and have already happened to us but that we can’t stop thinking about.

 

So I’ve been testing out this Zen idea in the last few years, and the results have been amazing: I’ve reduced my stress, started

procrastinating less, improved my relationships, increased my ability to deal with change, learned to change difficult habits, and become more present in my life.

 

It’s hard to overstate the case for the skill of letting go. And the resistance most people feel to the idea of letting go is just as great.

 

Let’s take a few examples (I’ll go into more detail in later chapters):

•         Stress: Our stress comes from wanting things to be a certain way, and then we get stressed when things inevitably don’t go that way. But if we could let go of how we wanted it to be, and accepted and appreciated reality as it is, we would let go of the stress.

•         Procrastination: We procrastinate because of a fear of failure, hard tasks, confusion, discomfort. But if we could let go of wanting things to be easy, successful, comfortable … and just accept that there is a wide range of experiences, we could just do the task.

•         Habits & distractions: By the way, most people have a hard time changing habits for this same reason — we procrastinate on the habit just like we procrastinate on work tasks. We also go to distractions all day long for the same reasons.

•         Irritation/frustration with people: We get irritated with people because they don’t behave the way we’d like. And this damages our relationships with them, because we’re angry at them. It makes us less happy. Instead, we could let go of wanting them to be a certain way, accept them as they are, and just be with them. It makes the relationship much better — I’ve seen this with my dad, my wife, my kids.

•         Loss & death: When a loved one dies, or we lose a job, or we get a major illness, this is a loss that causes grieving and suffering. And while that’s unavoidable (and we should accept our grieving), being able to let go helps us to deal with this loss.

•         Being present: Many of us would like to be more present in life, so that we don’t miss it as it happens, so that we can enjoy it fully. Imagine having a delicious dish in front of you, and you eat it but are thinking about work while you chew … you’d be missing out on the flavors of the dish. But if you could give it your full attention, you’d fully appreciate the dish. Life is exactly like this … we are so obsessed with thinking about other things, that we can’t be present in the moment. We can learn to let go of this future- or past-oriented thinking, and be more present.

•         Fear: The root of our problems is fear — from procrastination to not starting a business to being overweight — and the root of fear is holding onto how we want things to be. More on this later, but for now, it’s enough to note that if we can let go of or loosen up on how we really want things to be, we can loosen up the fear as well.

 

That’s just a taste, but you can start to see how letting go becomes an incredible skill that can make you better at dealing with all of life’s problems.

 

And letting go is a skill that can be practiced. It’s not easy, but it can be learned in a practice of just 5 minutes a day. Amazingly, this short 5-minute daily practice, as easy as it might seem, adds up to great things.

 

In this concise book, we’ll look at how letting go works with many types of problems, and how we can develop and practice the skill of letting go.