Life Balance, Part Two: It’s a Jigsaw Puzzle — By Shelly Kneupper Tucker, This Eclectic Life

 

By anyone’s standards, my Daddy was a successful man. He owned his own electrical contracting company and made money hand over fist. His hours were long, but he got everything done every day. On weekends, he took the family to our vacation home (a trailer) at Lake Texoma. Though he spent a lot of time fishing, he fished as aggressively as he worked. He was always going, going, going.

At the age of 52, my Daddy sold his company and retired to the dream home he had built at the lake. He planned to spend his “sunset years” fishing and traveling with Momma, gardening, cooking, and waiting on the grandbabies to be born.

 

Before the first year of his retirement was over, my Daddy had a heart attack.

 

He had worked so hard during his lifetime that he never took time for himself. He didn’t take care of himself. Though he recovered from that attack, he was never healthy again. He had open heart surgery five years later and then a host of other diseases that slowed him to a crawl until the end of his days.

I spoke in Part One about a woman I knew who was “walking a tight rope … blindfolded

… while juggling chainsaws … without a net!” She had her life packed full of activities, and was so busy that she was physically exhausted. Yet, she felt her life was in balance because she was well organized — she got “everything done.” Every activity was scheduled in her calendar and “to do” list — right down to the “spontaneous play time” with her children.

I have a hard time believing that she is really enjoying any of the activities that she does. I worry that she is on the same fast track that my Daddy took.

I firmly believe that we have to find balance in our lives, but I don’t want to think of “balance” as walking a tightrope. And, I think that perhaps we need perspective more.

I like to think of life as a jigsaw puzzle. We have to work to fit all the pieces of our lives together: family life, career, education, hobbies, and most importantly time to take care of ourselves.

In order to successfully complete a jigsaw puzzle, sometimes you have to step back and look at the whole picture in perspective. I think that to attain balance in our lives, that’s the very first step.

 

Look at your life in perspective. What are the activities that make up your day … week … month? Which of those activities are essential in your life? Don’t forget to add “time to take care of yourself” to the list.

Getting perspective is something we should do often because we change and grow as we age. The things that are important in our twenties might not be so essential in our fifties.

Prioritize those essential areas of your life. Determine your goals for each area, and the steps you need to take to reach those goals.

Simplify. Your high school English teacher told you that everything improves with editing. Make some choices. At first you might think that there is nothing that you can delete from your list of activities. Look harder. There are pieces of the puzzle that might not fit right now.

For instance, if you are juggling a demanding job and raising children, this might not be the best time to try learn to snorkel, take up basket weaving and try to get your graduate degree. Or, if all five of your children are involved in ten different extra-curricular activities, you might have to get them to pare it down so you don’t spend every evening as a shuttle bus driver. Will it warp little Johnnie for life if he can’t be in Boy Scouts, soccer, karate, guitar class, and take horseback riding lessons? No, it won’t. And, it will leave him some time to just be a little kid (and leave you some time to breathe).

Learn to say, “No.” It’s a simple word, really, and it’s the same in several languages. I promise you that the world will not fall apart if the PTA asks you to head a committee

and you say “no.” And, if you show up at a meeting, you know someone will ask you, so be prepared.

You do not have to qualify the “no.” Don’t get defensive and tell your reasons why. Just say no. At the very least, learn not to say “yes” immediately. Learn to say, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.”

Delegate. There is nothing in the rule books that says you have to be all things to all people. I know that the media has us convinced that we have to be supermom or superdad. But, we are humans. The kids can learn chores around the house (even at very early ages). Other members of a committee can help with assignments. You do not have to do everything by yourself.

Relax. Your house doesn’t have to look like a picture from Elle Decor (unless photographers from that magazine or on their way to shoot pictures!). You don’t have to serve a five course meal every night. If you didn’t weed your flower bed, probably the home owner’s association won’t kick you out. Stop measuring yourself by impossible standards.

Start over with the first step. These are all lessons that I have learned the hard way. I admit that I don’t always have an easy time following my own advice, because I inherited my Daddy’s Type A personality. I keep reminding myself of my resolve each day (reminding myself is at the top of my “to do” list). I promise it gets easier as you go along.